Ranked Worst to Best: Halloween

 

So now that we have the easy ranking out of the way with the Evil Dead series, it's time to move on to another favourite even if it contains some of my least favourite horror movies ever made: the Halloween series. We're talking AT LEAST 4 different timelines here. 

Now just to get it out of the way; most of these Halloween ranking lists do include Halloween 3: Season of the Witch, but I'm going to omit it here as I just want to have Michael Myers focused list. I do like Halloween 3 but not quite as much as other people. Would get like a 7/10 from me and would be higher up on the list for sure.

For a bit of backstory, I've loved this franchise since I was a kid and regularly come back to it, especially in the month of October. Michael Myers has always been my favourite iconic horror character so I always await a new entry in the franchise with baited breath. There are 12 movies here in all in very varying quality from 1978 all the way up to 2022 with many different takes on his origin and motivation for killing.

There will be some spoilers.

Anyway, this is a long one, so let's start with what might be my least favourite horror movie of all time:

12. Halloween Ends (2022)

Now I know there are some people (not a lot) that like this movie, but I need to ask; how? I already hated this movie the first time I saw it in cinema last year. In preparation of this list, I decided to give it a fresh watch and another chance as I had been thinking I may have been too harsh on it. I'm glad I did because it turns out I hated it even more on the second go round. By the way I will be spoiling the whole film if you haven't seen it already. 

I will admit that it does start well enough with an opening sequence that completely plays with the audience's expections and ends in almost hilariously brutal fashion, but it's all downhill from here. For a start, the rest of the film is set 4 years after the events of Halloween Kills, and Laurie Strode (played well by Jamie Lee Curtis yet again) is just living her best life. The same Laurie Strode that spent 40 years in Halloween 2018 preparing for Michael Myers to come back to the point of making her own home a trap for him and lost custody of her daughter due to her extreme upbringing. The same Laurie Strode that lost a ton of friends to the hands of Myers on the night he came back including her own daughter, now just doesn't care. Even with Michael on the loose. No home traps, no protection for her granddaughter. Nothing. Strike one. 

Then we have the main focus of the movie in new character Corey. After being accused of murder and the whole town hating him, he someone absorbs Michael's powers and becomes the new Haddonfield killer whilst also dating Laurie's granddaughter Alison. And yes this romance feels forced as hell. So the first time I watched this, whilst I wasn't thrilled about Micahel Myers being a background character in his own movie (and looking weak as hell the entire time) I was interested to see where this new take would go. After about 90 minutes of building up Corey, he just dies and the movie completely forgets about him, making the previous 90 mins feel totally pointless and filler to get to what everyone came to see. Strike two. 

And then we have the finale that the trailers promised us; the final battle between Laurie and Michael. Whilst I actually do enjoy their fight scene for as short as it is, due to the movie having less than 5 minutes of screen time for Michael before this moment, it just doesn't feel earned and after having my time wasted I just didn't care. The last time these two great characters will likely be on screen together and I just didn't care. Strike three.

I hate this movie. The only positives I have are a couple of decent kills and the fact that it's not a complete bore for it's near 2 hour runtime. 

2/10 and that's being generous.

11. Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)

A couple of years ago, I bought this movie on Amazon Video as it was one of the only movies in the series I had yet to watch. I'd always heard how bad it was but on first watch, I actually quite enjoyed it and didn't see what the big deal was. Cut to this week when I'm checking it out for the second time for the purposes of this list and now I get it; this movie sucks. 

Famously there are 2 cuts of this movie with Producer's cut released years later but it really doesn't make the Theatrical cut any better outside of a more sensible ending which is still dumb as hell. This one continues the story started in Halloween 4 with Michael hunting down his niece Jamie which started well with him being a clever killer, but here, it's clear he's been trying to kidnap her for the purpose of breeding her for a cult that's been controlling him this whole time. Also when you realise this takes place 6 years after Halloween 5, that would make Jamie 15 years old and it's heavily implied that Michael was the one doing the impregnating which is just all kinds of wrong. Plus after building up Jamie as a character for 2 movies, she's brutally killed 20 minutes into this. 

It doesn't help that with Michael  being controlled by this cult, it really makes him feel more like a background character in his own movie and just doesn't feel like much of a threat. This is also one of Paul Rudd's earliest roles as a returning Tommy Doyle and whilst I love Paul, he's pretty bad in this and trying too hard to be creepy. We also have Donald Pleasance back for a fifth time as Dr Loomis and his presence just feels tired at this point, though sadly Donald would pass away before the film was even released. 

Really this is such a forgettable movie as I watched it only a few days before writing this and I barely remember anything about it outside of a couple of kills. It does pick up towards the end but the first 45 minutes are pretty damn dull. This would be my least favourite if Ends didn't piss me off so much.

3/10

10. Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)

Before Halloween Ends came out, this was always my least favourite in the series. Whilst I'm still not a fan, it's not quite the all time bad one I remember. Don't get me wrong, the first hour is an absolute snooze fest but it does pick up in the finale in the Myers House with a tense chase between Michael and Jamie.

After the awesome twist ending of Halloween 4, this really failed to live up to a potential new premise. Whilst Donald Pleasance is always fun to watch, the former voice of reason from the original has become an absolute madman, even to the point of threatening young kids. Uncomfortable to watch sometimes. 

Even it's intro is non-sensical with some random guy in a hut looking after Michael for a year while he recovers from his wounds which is never explained and Michael just ends up killing him anyway. Not much else to say. Borefest.

4/10

9.  Rob Zombie's Halloween II (2009)

Before writing this list I thought this one would have ended up higher as I remember thinking it quite underrated but on second viewing, this is a weird ass film. It definitely feels like Rob Zombie getting his creative juices going to make the most unconventional Halloween movie but it just feels too bloated with ideas. 

The best part of the movie comes towards the beginning with Michael chasing an injured Laurie Strode through a hospital in a callback to the original sequel, but it ends up being a way too long dream sequence that ends up pretty pointless. Zombie also seems to have a vendetta against the iconic mask as he barely wears the damn thinng and by the end, half of it is missing. He also goes way overboard with the visions of Michael's dead mother and the pale white horse that just left me sighing by the end. Not to mention that the script can be very cringey especially with one conversation by 2 paramedics that just feels overtly grotesque. 

Also this is easily my least favourite portrayal of Dr Loomis. It's performed well by the always incredible Malcolm McDowell, but this version of a fame hungry diva just doesn't work for me and it feels like his comeuppance by the end just isn't enough. 

I will say that the movie does make up for it's shortcomings with a ton of gore and absolutely brutal kill scenes. This might be the most bloodfilled of the entire series. Overall though, despite being strange it's just so forgettable and I feel that Zombie is capable of more. 

5/10

8. Halloween Resurrection (2002)

I'm probably gonna get a lot of flack for not having this right at the bottom, but this is definitely a guilty pleasure of mine. 

Fun fact: this is the first Halloween film I ever watched when I was around 10 years old and I've loved Michael Myers ever since. With hindsight I can say that objectively this isn't a good movie, but I still find a good bit of enjoyment in it. 

Most of the hate comes from the intro with Jamie Lee Curtis being killed off within the first 15 minutes of the runtime likely because she couldn't be arsed with a full movie. Not only that but it does ruin the great ending of Halloween H20 with Michael seemingly killed off for good only for it to turn out that he swapped his body for a paramedic's and managed to escape. Lame but the actual asylum chase is pretty fun and it wouldn't be the last we'd see of Jamie Lee as Laurie so it gets a pass. 

The rest of the movie is pretty much Michael killing off a bunch of annoying (and I mean ANNOYING) teens but sometimes that's all I need from these movies and most of the kills are pretty fun. I do hate Busta Rhymes in this though as he's so over the top and the fact that he manages to kick Michael Myers' ass TWICE is insulting. Fun and short movie though.

5/10

7. Halloween Kills (2021)

Talk about a mixed bag. 

I've seen this movie three times now, and everytime it's like a diminishing return. I've went from loving it, to thinking it pretty good and now to thinking it's decent. It doesn't help that Halloween Ends ruined the potential anticipation from the ending of this movie but I try my best to move on from that travesty. 

What I do love about this movie is Michael himself. This might be my favourite version of him as he's just absolutely sadistic in this, and if not for Rob Zombie's Halloween II, this would easily be the goriest one of all. The scene of him emerging from a flaming house in the rain, ready to take on a squad of firefighters with his awesome half-torched mask is just so iconic to me that if the rest of the movie felt like this, it would easily be in my top three. Plus, the flashback scenes to show what happened after the events of the original are pretty neat.

Where the movie loses me is outside of Michael as there's a heavy focus on mob mentality from the town members feeling enraged by the mere thought of Michael Myers but it just feels like it goes on and on forever only for most of them to end up butchered anyway. And don't get me started on the whole "Evil Dies Tonight" thing. Total cringe everytime. 

Not to mention THAT hospital scene with the mob chasing down an escaped asylum patient thinking it's Michael when he looks absolutely nothing like him. They try and play it as an emotional, sad scene only for it to end in a bloody mess that almost feels comedic and out of tone with the situation. 

Still, I can enjoy this one for the most part. 

6.5/10

6. Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)

This one is another case of me owning this movie on VHS as a young lad and just watching it over and over again, though unlike Resurrection, this one still holds up pretty well. 

I will say that it has possibly the worst looking Michael Myer's ever with the goofiest looking mask and weird hunched shoulders the entire runtime. 

This does continue the new tradition of Michael hunting down a family member, this time in 8 year old niece Jamie which does add a bit of extra tension, given the feeling of helplessness added with a child. We also have her sister Rachel who's one of the better characters in the whole series as she actually feels likeable the entire runtime. 

Michael also comes across a little more devious here as he intentionally cuts off the entire towns phone line and power just to make it easier to stalk and kill, even going so far as to take out an entire police station which I wish had been on camera. There's even a scene where he has a shotgun, and instead of shooting it, impales someone with it! Love it. 

It also has one hell of a twish ending that comes out of nowhere and leaves intrigue for the next installment, even though that one would ultimately fail to follow up. I would say it's a tad slow at times but it makes up for it when needed. 

7/10

5. Halloween II (1981)

I don't think there was ever meant to be a sequel to the original Halloween, but after the slasher genre became a crazr thanks to that and the original Friday the 13th, they kind of had to. 

This is one I still watch regularly as it makes a nice companion piece to the first by continuing on right where the first one left off so you can watch them both in one sitting to make it feel like one big story. With the way it's filmed it even has the same feel as the original, even if Michael's look isn't quite as good as it was the first time round. 

This was also the movie that made the reveal (for better or worse) that Michael was Laurie's brother which would affect most installments going forward and would define Michael's character for a couple of decades. 

It does try a little too hard to be like the original and pales in comparison but is still a fun time regardless, with some good kills including one of my favourites in a hydrotherapy pool that comes across as absolutely sickening with melted skin and gnarly effects. It's a good time. 

7.5/10

4. Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998)

Finally after nearly 10 years of bad Halloween movies, they came back swinging with this little gem and make Michael Myers fun again. Not only that, we also got Jamie Lee Curtis back as Laurie Strode for the first time since 1981 and she was back with an absolute vengeance with maybe her best character work yet. 

Really for me, the whole movie is made so much more interesting by how Laurie has been affected since the events of Halloween II. True she does have a nice job as headmistress of a fancy boarding school, but she's also an alcoholic, had a failed marriage, and has a strained relationship with her 17 year old son as he's now the same age she was when she was attacked by Michael and is constantly worried for his safety. 

The whole cast is pretty great as we have an early role for Josh Hartnett, LL Cool J as a fun security guard with a writing hobby, and even Jamie Lee's own real life mother Janet Leigh, who of course is mostly known for her iconic role in Psycho and we even get a nice little reference to it here with a clever musical cue. 

I only have a couple of criticisms such as the crew seemingly unable to decide which mask Michael should wear, leading to him wearing 4 different masks throughout the movie which can leave a feeling of inconsistancy, and it doesn't help that one of the masks is CGI and looks weird as hell. There's also a lack of good gore and kills which would have really elevated this for me. 

Still, it's worth your time and I'd recommend checking it out if you haven't already. 

7.5/10

3. Rob Zombie's Halloween (2007)

Before I started this list, I was confident that this one was gonna land in the middle somewhere, but I was so surprised by how much I actually enjoyed this. I mean I did watch the version that doesn't include the absolutely uneccesarry sexual assault scene in the mental institution as that one would have definitely gotten a lower score from me, but this version is a great one. 

It's the only movie to really try and delve into Michael's childhood and does spend a good 35 minutes of the runtime on this. Here you see him as a disturbed kid, killing and mutilating animals whilst his home life is an absolute wreck. My only real criticism is that the family outiside of his mother is just totally unlikeable and suffers from Rob Zombie's usual script issues. I feel like you should feel bad when Michael finally kills his older sister but really you're just relieved that she's no longer in the movie. 

I also like this version of Dr Loomis played by Malcolm McDowell, as you can tell that he genuinely does care for Michael's well being, but there's that side of him you can tell wants to become rich and famous off of Micahel's story which the sequel would end up ruining by taking it too far as it felt a little more subtle here.

The adult Michael is one of my favourite versions of the famed killer as he's just an absolute hulking brute that seems impossible to take down and his kills really have a brutal sense to them this time round. Surprisingly for a Rob Zombie movie, the gore never feels too gratuitous and only shows what you need to see. 

The second half of the film is essentially a retelling of the original movie just rushed a bit, but it's all good fun. An underrated experience for sure. 

8/10

2. Halloween (2018)

I love this movie. I've watched this every Halloween since it came out and will continue to do so. I'm probably overrating it a bit, but I don't care, this is the Halloween movie I wanted to see for YEARS. It pains me that it's two sequels were never able to match that level of excitement and love. 

Of course this movie benefits from ignoring all other sequels and pretends that only the original ever happened giving us a fresher perspective on the character. Due to multiple timelines from all the sequels and remakes, most Halloween fans have their preferred timeline of events. Mine is the orginal, followed by this movie and then we stop there, and it's pretty much perfect. 

Jamie Lee returns as a more extreme version of Laurie who's went a bit insane in the 40 years since her first encounter with Michael to the point of alienating her family and turning her entire house into a trap for a returning Michael. 

We also have a fantastic version of Michael who's been hungry for blood for 40 years and he really takes his chance to kill anything he can here, including an epic long shot of him going house to house in Haddonfield, killing as he goes. It's wonderful stuff. 

I really have nothing bad to say about it. I love this movie. 

9/10

1. Halloween (1978)

Of course it couldn't be anything else. 

This movie was and still is the greatest slasher ever released and everything after just feels like a pale imitation. Michael's presence feels like he's around every corner waiting to strike like a patient shark, the musical score is perfect and brings out your deepest anxieties, and even Jamie Lee in her one of her early roles is the perfect babysitting victim for The Shape. 

Again, another one I watch every year and never become tired of it. It's one of the main reasons I'm such a horror fan and absolutely adore Michael Myers. 

You can't kill the boogeyman. Enough said. 

10/10

Thanks for reading! And I'll be as quick as I can with the next horror franchise I'm taking on. It's a big one...

Ranked Worst to Best: Evil Dead Series

 

During the spooky month of October I continued a somewhat regaular tradition of mine of recommending a horror movie over the course of the full month. I always enjoy these as a small way of talking about horrors I've enjoyed and I've even been told by friends that they've found a hidden gem that's now one of their favourites, like 'Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon' (go watch it, it's great)

Now that October has been and gone I still had a thirst on for talking more about the movies I love, so I've decided to come back to this blog for the first time in years to continue my thoughts on these beloved movies. I love a worst to best list so will try to keep doing these for different franchises. I needed somewhere to start though, and where better than probably my favourite horror franchise of all time: The Evil Dead. 

The Evil Dead series has been around since 1981 and whilst the franchise only has 5 movies (and a 3 season TV show) to it's name; it's the most consistant horror franchise around with not a bad or even merely good movie to speak of. Sam Raimi isn't here to whore out his franchise for a cheap payday and has instead waited for the best time and best script to allow for a movie of the year contender to be unleashed onto audiences. For anyone new to this, the series mainly focuses on an isolated group terrorised by demons from hell, unleashed by the words spoken from the Book of the Dead. If you don't like gore, look elsewhere.

I've been a fan all the way back to 7 or 8 years old when my dad introduced me to the goofy brilliance that is Army of Darkness and I've been a fan ever since with each entry in the franchise making it onto my Halloween watchlist each and every year. I've never grown tired of them and never will. And now like a parent picking their favourite child, I'll need to decide which is best and which is worst. Let's begin. 

5. Evil Dead Rise (2023)

It feels unfair putting this one so low as it's still not even a year old so hasn't had the time to sink in like all the others have, but I can definitely see this moving up the list as the years go by. Hell, 2023 isn't even over yet I've already seen this 3 times and could easily go a 4th anytime soon. 

This one marked a bit of change as most of the Evil Dead movies focus on a group of teenagers in isolation, whereas as this one decides to go for a more emotional hook with a single mother and her family targeted by ancient evil spirits. 

Whilst it's not the scariest movie around, it more than makes up for it with it's gore and practical effects. I don't think there was a single CGI effect and I can't tell you how much I love that. Alyssa Sutherland's performance as deadite mother Ellie is absolutely spellbinding and outside of Ash in the previous movies, I think she may be my favourite character from the series. The way she changes from loving mother to horrific demon is brilliant and absolutely disturbing when she starts attacking her own children. 

This also features some stomach churning moments such as a character deciding to eat some glass which then nearly pokes through their neck, and you'll never be able to look at your cheese grater the same way again. Really the only negative I can come up with is that it does run out of it's momentum a bit by the end but not enough to spoil the whole experience. Overall one of the better horrors released in 2023 and more proof that the Evil Dead franchise is far from running out of steam. Hopefully we don't have to wait 10 years for the next one. 

8/10

4. Army of Darkness (1992)

Army of Darkness was my introduction to this entire franchise as a child and I can't tell you how many times I rewound the VHS tape to watch it all over again. It felt like a B-movie version of Lord of the Rings and I lapped up every second of it as the delapidated cabin in the woods is swapped out for a medievil fortress. 

This is pretty much the goofiest the franchise would ever become as horror is pretty much out the window and this is really just a straight up action/fantasy/comedy. So many franchises would not survive such a drastic change in style but it's really all held together by the performance of Bruce Campbell who takes his near over the top portrayal of Ash in Evil Dead 2 and turns it up to 11 with so many hilarious one liners and quotable moments you won't be able to forget. 

The only thing really holding this whole thing back is a lack of good gore but it makes up for it with one hell of a unique experience you owe to yourself to checkout. 

8/10

3. Evil Dead (2013)

A big part of me really wanted to put this further to the top but the next two entries and just too good and too iconic. I remembering hearing of a planned Evil Dead remake and severly balking at the idea of it considering how many sub-par remakes were around at the time. I wasn't convinced until I finally went to see it in the cinema and was shocked at just how good it was.

This wasn't some lazy cash grab to be made off of a legacy franchise; this was a passion project of a fan that was even overseen by the godfathers behind the previous instalments: Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell. In something that was very against the times, the director, Fede Alvarez, opted to do away completely with CGI and use only practical effects, making the bloodsoaked cabin feel all the more visceral in it's presentation. 

It was also a stroke of genius to have the characters out at the cabin to help one of their friends go cold turkey as it does away with the stereotypical party teens into something more believable. And when the former drug user tries to convince everyone of the danger in the woods, of course they don't believe her as she's bound to hallucinate with what she's going through. 

This is just balls to the wall violence and gore from beginning to end with not a boring moment to be had, all the way up to the fantastic final ten minutes of pure adrenaline. If you've been sleeping on this one, you need to make up for lost time and check it out ASAP. 

9/10

2. The Evil Dead (1981)

Trying to pick between the first two movies is like trying to pick between Alien and Aliens. It really just comes down to your genre preference. Like the 2013 remake this is just absolute balls to the wall mayhem and madness for 85 minutes, and given it came out in the very early 80s, I'm not surprised that it was banned in certain places and considered one of the first video nasties. Even watching it in a packed out cinema in 2023 it still manages to shock those who've never checked it out before. 

Barely any money was given to this at the time and every single penny was put to outstanding use with some of the gnarliest gore scenes ever put to film, including a cringe-inducing pencil to the ankle, and some of the best blood splatter effects out there. This is the first time we're introduced to our hero Ash and while he's not yet the quippy hero we all love, he still stands out here as the final stand against the demons of hell. 

Still an all time classic that holds up well today and is almost the best cabin in the woods style horror ever made if not for....

9/10

1. Evil Dead II (1987)

The king of the castle and not only the best Evil Dead movie, but my favourite horror movie of all time. Hell it might even be my all time favourite movie, horror or non-horror. This is the perfect balance of the Evil Dead formula with some epic one liners and hilarious moments (everything with the severed hand is golden) whilst still managing to hit a few good scares and keeps a feeling of dread throughout up until the bonkers ending. 

This is the movie that made Bruce Campbell famous with a legendary performance as Ash that somehow manages the feat of being an absolute goofball and a badass at the same time. Whilst it's a little lighter on the gore compared to the original (but not by much) it ramps up the mayhem by one hell of a notch as you barely have time to breath with the first deadite showing up barely 5 minutes in. 

This is just perfection for me and everything I want out of a horror. I've watched this at least once a year for the past 20 odd years and will continue to do so. An all timer. 

10/10

Well there's my first list in quite a while. I'm feeling very rusty but I'm hoping I'll get the hang of it soon enough, especially with my plan to cover a HUGE franchise next. Thanks for reading.